Despair

Despair

A friend died last week.  Let me clarify that...a friend took his life on Friday.  He left behind a beautiful family - wife, five children, loving parents.  They are left angry, grief-stricken, hurting and perhaps the cruelest blow of all - questioning with no hope of answers.  Friends and acquaintances are no better off.  This man was a leader within the church, a worship minister, a shepherd and one who helped others.  What could bring a man who believed in the Eternal, and hope for believers in Him for eternity, to the point of self destruction?

Pain.

Despair.

However, that is only supposition.  That is the cruelty for those left behind by suicide.  Picking up the pieces and questions without any answers.  The answers, what few we can get, come from those who have been close, but not successful in their suicides.  They can help...a little.

Pain.  Physical pain can be the basis, but the real culprit is a pain stretching down so deep in the soul that only thing one sees is pain.  The pain eclipses the horizon so that there is no present - only pain.  It obliterates the past.  It destroys the future.  The pain becomes so great - both real and imagined - that the ability to reason is lost.  In an email sent out today my friend's family wrote, He "has not been well for some time. He had become reclusive and what was once thought of as quirkiness had digressed into serious mental and emotional issues. On Friday morning, Jeff took his own life."  He had been dealing with some health issues for some time now, and a long-term struggle had worsened - physical pain as the basis for his felt pain.  Pain obliterates everything...even hope.

Despair - the complete loss or absence of hope.  Many cannot imagine a life filled with constant pain, much less pain to the point of despair.  I've watched good, well-meaning people attempt to lift another out of what is perceived as a blue funk - a dejected mood.

"You ought to look at the bright side."

They can't.  That's the point.  In this place which can best be described as "the dark night of the soul," there is no bright side.  There is no morning after, only darkness and night.  There is only despair, hopelessness and a dire sense that life can never, ever get better.  The individual is left with the feeling, now magnified into an absolute belief that life is without hope.  What few clues they give out that this inner dilemma is taking place, most of us miss. 

Most knowledge about how to recognize and help someone in the midst of such a struggle comes after the fact.  Then comes yet another struggle - for the survivors.  They struggle with guilt and shame - the woulda, coulda, shouldas Satan so easily manipulates.  We beat ourselves up about knowledge and training we did not have previous to the situation.  We further gloss over the fact that even possessing such knowledge does not guarantee no further suicides on our watch.  I was asked to intervene in a therapeutic community after one of the residents had committed suicide.  The staff was effectively trained in dealing with suicide.  Still, this did not prevent successful suicides.

I should add here that there is One we often forget about in this equation.  He is the ever faithful Watcher of our souls.  As much knowledge and insight as we have gained into the human psyche, He knows best.  He is far more relentless in trying to keep us from harm to ourselves and others, yet we should remind ourselves that He will not violate our free will.  Even if that means that He saves us from ourselves.  On His watch there have been countless suicides, not to mention wars, atrocities and countless other unspeakable acts upon one another.  I believe there is a lesson to learn from Him.  I doubt that this means tears are not shed in heaven when such things take place.  I do imagine that the River of Life finds its source in those tears. For God is also the Healer of our souls.

A brother in Christ took his own life last week.  There is a tradition which holds that such an act keeps him from eternity.  I should add that I do not hold that view.  I believe that God knew his heart far better than any of us.  I believe, I hope, that God knew his pain, knew his hopelessness and was ready to heal him one way or another.  

A healing we can only imagine is taking place.  As John was privileged to witness and share with us, God is even now wiping away every tear on Jeff's face.  When we are all gathered together, there will be no more despair, sorrow, pain, death or despair.  Until then, Jeff will see clearly the testimony of those whose lives were impacted by his ministry.  The things he thought were important will be unimportant.  The things he thought unimportant.  He will see how God used his music to affect others.  He will watch as his family grows and matures, are laid to rest for the long nap and will be gathered into glory.  His pain will be removes so that he can witness such things, and greater things than these.  He will be healed, and so will we.

For the old order of things will pass away.