Mondays
Mondays
December 12, 2018
The conversation was about Mondays and depression. Mondays are not a good day for them. For many, this is the day they are most likely to consider quitting. Some even confess they have thought about taking their life. The great irony of all this is that the day before has been spent in celebration, and talk of love, joy and hope.
Most of the pastors I know are cautious about joining a ministerial association. The groups do not generally have good reputations for achieving their mission. I won't share the failures of such groups here. Instead, I am happy to report that it has been my joy to belong to a couple of wonderful groups. You may ask, "What is the difference with these groups?" The simple answer is - the people involved. In my humble opinion, a pastors' group, ministerial association, or whatever label you decide to use, ought to be a resource to some of the most important people you know. What metric determines this is taking place? That, is a much more complex answer.
Consider your pastor. Before I proceed, let me add some background. I entered paid ministry in my late thirties, prior to that, I worked in conventional occupations, and served in the church as layperson, deacon and elder. Therefore, I have observations regarding the ministry from multiple perspectives. So, let me say again, consider your pastor, but let me broaden that a bit - consider your minsters. They serve in a lonely, often unappreciated and often underpaid occupation. Few, though loved by many in their congregations, receive pay packages which include retirement and insurance benefits. Few church members realize that their pastor pays 13.3% of their income into Social Security, as opposed to the 7.65% nearly all church members pay. The minister is often the last person called to encourage, but most often the first contacted when an individual needs encouragement. Few ministers feel free to share with others their struggles - particularly their struggles with loneliness and depression. Perhaps a greater insult is in their invisibility in the society they serve. The next time you take a survey, or fill out a questionnaire with all those drop down lists to choose from, pay attention to the occupation menu. Few list minister or pastor in the drop down list. I first became aware of the discrepancies when doing research for depression and suicide. I began the research because the states I have served in have had high incidences of both, therefore impacting my ministry. To date, not a single assessment tool determining the presence of depression has included ministry in their lists. This is particularly troubling, as many of these assessments are used to record the level of depression in various occupations for research purposes. The subtle communication from individuals, groups and society as whole to ministers is, "You matter if I need you, but other than that, you do not matter."
Where then, do ministers go for support? Where can your minister go to share their struggles, their hurts, pains, insecurities and a safe place to vent? Don't say, "Well, my minister can talk to me." If that is not already happening, then you are not the person, and there can be a load of reasons this is true. The most likely is that you are not a safe person for your minister. Some believe that the lay leaders of the church - elders, deacons - are the logical outlet. Most ministers do not feel safe with their leadership because of bad situations in the past. Too often these relationships are antagonistic, or more of an employer/employee relationship. There are exceptions in both situations, but let me say that such relationships are the exception, rather than the rule. This at last brings us to the rare situation found in ministerial groups. Too often, pastors approach other ministers as competitors or worse. Rarely, but not nearly as rare as a confidant within the congregation, a pastor finds a group of ministers who lay down all their cautions with one another and endeavor to come alongside one another in love and support. This does not mean they blow smoke and tell one another things they want to hear, rather than the things they need to hear. This is the metric I referred to above, when a minister feels safe with others sharing their perspectives and their mission. What is said may shock you.
The conversation was about Mondays and depression. Mondays are not a good day for them. For many, this is the day they are most likely to consider quitting. Some even confess they have thought about taking their life. The great irony of all this is that the day before has been spent in celebration, and talk of love, joy and hope.
How can you preach a message of celebration, witness souls won to Christ, administer the rites of the Lord's Supper and baptism on Sunday, and want to throw in the towel on Monday? Loneliness, isolation, perfectionism and a culture promoting that all have an opinion on what is right - despite how little they have invested in the process. Who owns the problem? We all do. This issue is at the heart of the "one another" call to the church. Pastor, face your perfectionism, desire to seek the approval of man - rather than God - and deal with it. Mature, grow up, in Christ as Paul calls us in Ephesians. Elder, if you are going to act as employer, than be a good employer. Rather, be a great employer - as in Christ to the church. Church member, serve more, criticize less and desire to present the church to the world as something winsome to those living in a dark, and alluring world. By the way, it will likely not look like, sing like, preach like you want it to. Most want the church to practice in the same way she did not attract three generations of the lost. In this last, remember the warning of James, what you say is done using a tool humanity cannot control. That 30-minute sermon of encouragement next Sunday morning took hours to craft, and your 2 1/2 minute criticism did more damage to wound the heart of your minister than you can imagine. He may consider throwing in the towel on Monday for your thoughtless words, or worse....
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